How do you make an electrician fall over? You hit him hard with a lamp

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What did the DVD player say when a video tape was put in? You incompatible.

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Why did the Flintstones have Christmas? The Flintstones celebrated Christmas because the creator, William Hanna, celebrated it. As it is a kids TV show, you can't expect it to be factually correct.

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Wright flyer

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What's red and the size of a packet of crisps? A Miscarriage

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My brownie is so warm and squishy. You know what else is warm and squishy? Freshly killed babyies

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How do you tell if a kitten is alive? Throw it at the wall.

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What did the mute person tell the deaf person? Nothing. Even if sound could emit from his vocals the impaired of hearing person would still be unable to respond unless they have taken classes to read lips. The deaf person didn't take classes nor did the mute person learn sign language.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? i know how to make a pizza

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A white straight man, a black gay man, and an Asian bisexual woman walk into a bar. They are enjoying their drinks until one overly intoxicated man makes a remark towards the group in reference to their diversity in race, sexual orientation, and sex. The bar crowd is enthused with the drunk man's genius in not only constructing a joke to cover all three categorical descriptions of the group, but in guessing each member's sexuality based on their respective appearances.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A cripple.

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Roses are red, They are also violet, yellow, white, pink, orange, purple, or orange.

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How many clowns fit in a car? Depends how many get in the car.

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There's two sausages in a pan.. One says "Wow it's hot in here" The other says... "agrhhh a talking sausage"

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How does camon Die? He kills himself because he didnt make it into the marine corps

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How do you get rich? Cut chunks off a fat person with a cleaver and sell them to china.

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Two flatfishes swam in a bathtub.

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It's valentines today! My girlfriend died.

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A christian and an atheist are in a bar. The christian says "if you don't accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior you will go to hell." The atheist replies "No I won't."

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You just glass her.

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Q-what did the black man say before he crossed the road? A-i wanna cross the road.

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knock knock who's there? it's I, your son. ....... what? dad let me in, it's cold! i don't have a son.... but.... i love you... get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

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What did the blind, deaf, and dumb child get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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