What is the difference between ashes and a jew? A lot

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The Tiarajudens is a Permian land-walrus.

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Where did the taxi driver put his suitcase down? celery

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What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants? Here come the elephants

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He was in a terrible car crash in which the fuel tank exploded.

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Roses are red the grass is green now open your legs and let me fill you with cream

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You know what makes no cents? 100 cents because 100 cents make a dollar.

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Why were the 3 men wearing black suits? They just left their mothers funeral, she died of terminal cancer.

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What do you call a dinosaur eating a taco? Nothing, you are high.

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Hey I just met you, and your f$#king crazy,I ate your pizza, so go get me another one!!

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What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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what did chloe say to alexis? you took my phone

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Found out my dad was gay the other day. Now I have to take him to dance clubs, take him to musicals and find the man who gave birth to me.

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Whats scary about the asian man driving a car? He was blind

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4 men walk into a bar... Don't jump to conclusions! They were gay.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like pie. I know you do too.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, well at least they were, until I met you!

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How many Lepers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? People with leprosy should not be doing general house keeping.

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Why did the baby fall down from the tree? It was dead.

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Did you hear about the kid-napping in Minnesota? He woke up

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Two guys walk into a bat, they have a couple drinks then go home, one crashed and died in a horrible drunk driving accident. The other, who took a cab, went home and viciously beat his wife.

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Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

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Around 10PM on a Saturday two Irishmen walk into a bar. They order up a round of drinks, and comment on the appearance of several women in the place whom they believe to be single. After finishing up their drinks, the one Irishman asks the other if he'd like another one. The other says no, that he promised his wife he'd be back soon with diapers for the baby. He thanks his friend for the drink and leaves for home. The remaining Irishman orders up another "round" from the bartender, but really it's only one drink he is ordering, being he is only one person.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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