How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot of his head

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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What's worse than a dead baby falling out of a tree? Two dead babies stapled together falling out of a tree.

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Top ten reasons Microsoft Doors is better than Microsoft Windows. 1. Easier to open. 2. Doors do not crash... Windows does! 3. Watching pron? Your mother around? JUST SLAM THAT SHlT ON HER FACE! 4. Saves power! (Its easier to just shut and open doors) 5. Doors are a lot easier to get trough than windows. 6. When windows wishes you welcome the first time you install it, you still cant wipe your damn feet on it! 7. Its easier to surf on the internet on top of doors than on windows. 8. While Windows is easy to hack because you can try codes forever, you can just buy a good lock on your door and shut it. 9.The sun glaring on your screen trough your windows? GET MICROSOFT DOORS! 10. I dare you make one, i live doing this shit. Capcom before. And special thanks to you! Thanks for playing! Capcom now: Fuck off thats not DLC paywall! its actual downloadable only content! Just pay 45 bucks to get all colors to all characters.... ...Downloading Allcolors 10kb

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A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ouch!" Later that day, the man's daughter takes him to the doctor because he's acting strangely. The doctor gives him an MRI and the daughter is told that her father sustained severe brain damage from the injury. Now the daughter has to juggle taking care of her father, taking care of a child she bore from a drunken one-night stand, and recovering from her meth addiction at a rehab facility, all while making minimum wage at her dead end job. Eventually she hangs herself, leaving her father and child to slowly die on their own.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not Sally

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'A blonde', 'a brunette', and 'a redhead' are ways of referring to women who have hair of a certain color.

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CRY

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what happens when 15 babies cross the street? well, some may be hit by cars. others will have to face the harsh life of reality.

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why did the chickan cross the road? who let the chickan out?

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Nothing, we eat pizza and we respect Jews.

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What's long, hard, and contains semen? A submarine.

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Why did the girl fall off of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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what is the difference between joe diragi and jerry sandusky sabdusky only targets human little boys

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two men are sitting in a desk next to each other learning math when the equation 22+1 came up. the frist man says to the second, "24" and they both giggled. the second guy then slips his lips over the the first guy and whispers, "hey, i just thought of something funnier than 24" to which the first replies with a slight of laughter, "lemme hear it." so the second says with laughter "25".

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So this Horse walked into a bar... Just kidding, it was Sarah Jessica Parker.

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Your Mom!!!

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Knock Knock Who’s there? Who Who who? Who who who Who who who who? Who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who…

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Ask me if I'm a grapefruit. Are you a grapefruit? No.

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Whats worse than losing The Game? The Holocaust

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Person 1: Hey Person 2: What's up? Person 1: Kill Yoself Person 2: Alright

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Two doctors were performing open heart surgery on a 54-year old woman. The surgery was a success, and she is now living comfortably in Portland, OR. She enjoys sweet tea.

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how do you get a mexican to fall off of a cliff? you push them off

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The other day, a buddy of mine gave me some of his sandwich. "My wife made it," he said. "It's really good," I answered. We chewed in silence after that.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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