So I'm at the office and I tell this guy, "Hey can you pass me the stapler. But when you pass it over, make sure there are staples in it 'cause if not, I can't staple anything."

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Scott Scott who? Scott Henderson. Oh my god Scotty! I haven't seen you since highschool, please come in.

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What did the cancer patient get for his birthday HIV

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Three guys went barhopping. One slipped and broke his dick.

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Roses are green,violets are blue,i'm high as ****,is that perfume or glue?

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i fell like im going to reverse john becase i ate a bikle penis jackson

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A group of Germans eagerly await the FIFA football rankings. England is fourth.

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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what do you call a shitty anti-joke? A shitty anti-joke.

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What did the blonde say when she found a dead bird on the sidewalk? "Aww, look at the poor dead bird!"

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do you no what im doing? writing this joke.

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Why did the swing fall off the girl? I have dyslexia

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What do I do with all the wheelchairs after I boil all the vegetables?

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why did dominic buy a new speaker on holiday because his parents died and his was at home

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Did you hear the one about the chicken crossing the road? It wanted to go to the other side.

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Why was the girl crying? DEEZ NUTS!

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"What's uhhh.". "Crap I forget" "Oh yeah! 32!"

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What's Red and Invisible? No Tomatos

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What did the fish say when it was being fried? That's crazy, fish can't talk.

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Why did the ship crash into Italy? Because a woman took over driving it!

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What did the homicidal maniac say to his 13th victim? Nothing, she was dead at the time.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A bug in your nut.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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