So theres this Jew, right? He got shot to death.

Why did the little girl fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? I don't know but it's not the little girl.

How do you make an electrician fall over? You hit him hard with a lamp

What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting on a doorstep? Whatever his name happens to be

What do you call a black man about to jump off a cliff? Suicidal

Mario goes home after a hard day of work and finds his entire family killed and a note from Bowser... He is now an asshole who beats and rapes kids...

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: "Where's my tractor?"

A wild bear walks into a bar, grabs a drink and looks at the man next to it. The man then wakes up from a dream and gets ready for work.

What does a fish say when it swims into a wall? Damn

This is Heading 1

Q. what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? A. nothing you done told her twice already

Where do you find a pile of dead lawyers? In my basement.

what does a granny look best in? 1950

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Peter

what happened to the cripple after he got in a wheel chair? cancer of the eye

Roses are red Violets are blue Actually, no they're not. They're VIOLET. That's why they're called that. If they were blue, they would be called "Blues", or something of a similar nature. Don't be dumb.

Why did the chicken cross the road? A man held him at gunpoint and threatened to kill his entire family.

One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

whats the differnce between a cadilack and a pile of dead babies? theres no cadilack in the back of my car1 >.>

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

Alister Darling plucks his eyebrows.

Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die