What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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How are you this morning?

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Are you a tree? No.

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Q Why is an octopus like a tree? A Haven't the foggiest.

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education. It is also possible that he was chosen for the position because of acquaintances or family members who were also employed by the company, but many people would consider it impolite to bring up this possibility, as it might be construed as denigrating the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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What did George W. Bush say to his wife when he got home? I'm home.

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roses are red Jacob's a Jew the holocaust was funny Haha f**k you

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What does Megatron say when a video game takes forever to load? "You have failed me yet again, Start Screen!"

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Funding a half worm in your apple because you just ate half of a worm!

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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So you there Red?

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Yo mama so fat she sells shade. Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit. Yo mama so fat she in call of duty when a player kills her they get a 5 person kill streak. Yo mama so fat that she is fat. :)

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whats purple with fur?nothing mammals cannot have purple fur

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Why is the dinosaur yellow? He's not.

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What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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whats worse than Brussels sprouts brussels sprouts that has petite vegetation, lack of sun causing mold and placed in a septic tank.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has Obsessive Complusive Disorder.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a scizophrenic, Or at least thats what the voices tell me.

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Let's make like your mother and walk out on your family during pre-adolescence.

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What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

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why did jimmy fall of the swing? He had no arms or legs!

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Why don't white people do the right thing? Because we suck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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