Why did Doris have no control over her bladder? Because she was old and suffered catastrophic incontinence

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What's big, wet and hairy? Not what you think it is.

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Any number of chickens plus one person.

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Are you a tree? No.

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How do you make a baby cry? Break its legs.

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I have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They're two completely different water fowl.

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Why did the black man kill himself? Because he was black

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education. It is also possible that he was chosen for the position because of acquaintances or family members who were also employed by the company, but many people would consider it impolite to bring up this possibility, as it might be construed as denigrating the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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What does Megatron say when a video game takes forever to load? "You have failed me yet again, Start Screen!"

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whats worse then 9/11? -George W. Bush

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man when he walked into his office naked and wrapped in saran wrap? I can see your 'nuts'...

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Why did Billy cry? He had Pubic Lice

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What did the midget say to the clown that was blocking the doorway? Excuse me

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Why did the Turkey cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken

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What do you call a black man in space? an astronaut

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what did the cow said to the other cow? Moo

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My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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So you there Red?

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Yo mama so fat she sells shade. Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit. Yo mama so fat she in call of duty when a player kills her they get a 5 person kill streak. Yo mama so fat that she is fat. :)

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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Why is the dinosaur yellow? He's not.

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What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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