what do you call a black guy who flies planes? a pilot

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Haiku's are three lines long. This isn't a haiku.

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So you there Red?

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PENIS THAT IS ALL!

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a man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is slowly destroying his family

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A hundred dollar bill falls in the middle of an intersection. Equally distanced from the bill stand a Jew, a Black, a White Supremacist and an Arab. Wouldn't it suck to be on this street? I am sure violence will ensue.

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Why did the dog cross the road? He was on a walk with his owner so they used a crosswalk to safely get back home.

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Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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The Arrowtongue commands the road like a semi-truck. But the Gyrosprinter corners on a dime.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Q: What did your mom say to your dad? A: Honey i want a divorce.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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Why did the Mxican eat the taco? Because he was hungry,

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What happened after a Mexican drank 4 shots? He got drunk and died in a car accident.

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A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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If a tree falls in the forest and it does it make a sound? No, Trees can't talk

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why did the duck cross the road? More than likely there was something that appeals to the duck on the other side such as a pond or duck food. On the contrary there could also be something that did not appeal to the duck on the side from which he is departing from such as a lack of a pond or a lack of duck food.

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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A Pole walks into a bar and gets annexed by Germany.

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Why couldn't the man find his watch? Because he was mugged by a homeless man and had severe brain damage..... ....and because he left it at the office

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Why is the dinosaur yellow? He's not.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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