My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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You know you are from New York when you live in Manhattan.

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Roses are red My binoculars are blue The curtains are open I see you

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What did Jerry Sandusky do when he was alone with 3 little boys? Taught them how to play football.

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Why is a bear like a cloud? They are both blue.

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a black man jumps in a pool.

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research.

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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Har har hey

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a scizophrenic, Or at least thats what the voices tell me.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Why did the Mxican eat the taco? Because he was hungry,

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Fat people.

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Why did the alligator travel through time? To get to the other side.

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pigs are sometimes pink GOSH

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Yo mama is so fat, so when she jumped of a building, she died.

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Why couldn't the asian drive the car. He was underage and did not have his license yet.

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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What did the alien discuss with the other alien? Something we discussed.

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Q Why is an octopus like a tree? A Haven't the foggiest.

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Why does Mike Tyson always win his fights? Because he hides in a refridgerator

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Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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Knock knock Who's there? Yolanda I do not know anyone by that name. I am sorry Oh I must be at the wrong house. My apologies. Oh, it's alright. Have a nice day You too. Take care!

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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