Why is the sky blue? Well it has something to do with The suns reflection off of all the waters on earth's surface.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A doctor walks into a bar, he stumbles backwards as he is taking his coat off, and the barman chuckles.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I am white, asian and black... What am I? A panda

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's black and sits in the back of a police car? The seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

a man walks into a bar he has a drinking problem and we are all consered

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Who did the man call when his house was on fire? He called his mother as the firefighters put out the fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q:How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? A:Depends on the volume of said tub.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A one armed blond is in a tree, how to you get her to come down? You wave to her?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Bob: Hey Jim, what's up? Jim: Obviously the sky, oh and i see a few planes too. by the way why are you asking me why don't you just look up?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did the indian kill the buffalo? he was suffering from a psychological disorder and took to killing innocent animals in order to relieve the pent up rage caused by repressed memories of childhood abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's worse than carrying a heavy suitcase? Poisoning children.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: What's big, yellow and can't swim? A: A school bus full of children.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The world ends and everyone dies exept for a laywer

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the man say after being hit by a bus? Nothing he is now dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an ax.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

why did the hedge hog cross the road? To get to his 'flat' mate!!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's the worst way to die? Alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what did the prostitute say to the black man after they had sexual intercorse? I have aids

thumb_up thumb_down -20

My brownie is so warm and squishy. You know what else is warm and squishy? Freshly killed babyies

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is dead, and thereby lacks the necessary motor control.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

how do u kill a black kid ..... stabb him in the face with a nife

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops