- Anti Joke

A doctor walks into a bar, he stumbles backwards as he is taking his coat off, and the barman chuckles.

Why is the sky blue? Well it has something to do with The suns reflection off of all the waters on earth's surface.

Bob: Hey Jim, what's up? Jim: Obviously the sky, oh and i see a few planes too. by the way why are you asking me why don't you just look up?

A one armed blond is in a tree, how to you get her to come down? You wave to her?

One day a man woke up and decided that he was going to do something with his life. He then got a haircut, took a shower and bought a nice new suit. After that he went home and cleaned up his whole house and invited his parents, that were not very close with him, over for dinner.An hour and thirty minutes before his parents got there, he went to the store to pick up some food to prepare for the very important dinner. On the way home he see's a homeless man walking on the side of the road. The man felt bad for him because he was poor so he gave him $10. He then proceeded home to make the dinner. The dinner turned out very well and he went to bed a better man.

Q:How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? A:Depends on the volume of said tub.

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

What is black and blue? A pen with reversable ink.

Knock knock ... No ones home

frogs are green and grass is greener i just blew up ur mom and ur the cleaner now get to work SLAVE

Why was the anti joke funny? because it wasn't funny.

A man watched his city burn. He was traumatized by the loss of his friends and family and went to therapy to recover.

What did the man say after being hit by a bus? Nothing he is now dead.

Wigan.

How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an ax.

Did you hear about the gay midget? He came out of the cupboard.

why did the hedge hog cross the road? To get to his 'flat' mate!!

My brownie is so warm and squishy. You know what else is warm and squishy? Freshly killed babyies

what did the prostitute say to the black man after they had sexual intercorse? I have aids

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is dead, and thereby lacks the necessary motor control.

What's the worst way to die? Alone.

You are walking down the street, and a man keeps on getting in your way. You want to politely... Screw it already and stab him in the back

How many dead babies fit in a car? Ask Casey Anthony, she'll probably know.

Why did Bob fall off the swim? He had no arms or legs.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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