A horse walks in a bar. The barman asks: "Why the long face?" The horse replies: I have aids.

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What is black and white and cant get through revolving doors? A zebra with a spear through its head.

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a dog ate my homework but then he returned it on the lawn

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Wanna know how to confuse a black guy? Give him a friend chicken sandwich with mayo on it.

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What did the biological child say to his adopted sister? We are both loved equally by our parents.

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Hey babies The holocaust called, they want their screams back.

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Why did the fat man fall off the swing? Because he weighed 855 pounds and it broke.

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Why did the mentally disabled child begin to cry? Because he shit himself

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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I am white, asian and black... What am I? A panda

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A one armed blond is in a tree, how to you get her to come down? You wave to her?

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Bob: Hey Jim, what's up? Jim: Obviously the sky, oh and i see a few planes too. by the way why are you asking me why don't you just look up?

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Q:How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? A:Depends on the volume of said tub.

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How did the boy break his hand? He slammed it in a car door.

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How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

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What's worse than carrying a heavy suitcase? Poisoning children.

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Q: What's big, yellow and can't swim? A: A school bus full of children.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Worlds first anti joke.

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why did the indian kill the buffalo? he was suffering from a psychological disorder and took to killing innocent animals in order to relieve the pent up rage caused by repressed memories of childhood abuse.

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Two elks were out flying one day. One of the elks turned to the other one and said: - You have a cinnemon bun in your eye. - What? - You have a cinnamon bun in your eye! - WHAT? - YOU HAVE A CINNAMON BUN IN YOUR EYE!!! - I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I HAVE A CINNAMON BUN IN MY EYE!

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Who did the man call when his house was on fire? He called his mother as the firefighters put out the fire.

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what do you call a guy called Bill? Bill

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Why is the sky blue? Well it has something to do with The suns reflection off of all the waters on earth's surface.

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A doctor walks into a bar, he stumbles backwards as he is taking his coat off, and the barman chuckles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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