I bought my daughter the Josef Fritzl advent calendar. The proceeds go towards abuse survivor charities.

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Chuck Norris can cook ramen noodles with a microwave.

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What is a poop on a poopstick? A pile of poop.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didnt, the chicken is dead.

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side

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Jesus: I will return. Hitler: Well I am back... Nazi as in Nazireth Bush: As I said I was elected by Gawd. Me: What? What about me? Seriously why did I put myself here? Id have three bullets with them in a room, and id still shoot you six times.

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What did the man do when it was raining pineapples? He got a chainsaw and went on a killing spree against his neighbors family.

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Have you heard about the angry chef? He beat his children

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Wife says to husband, who works is programmer, "Honey get out of bed there is a bug in the bed". Husband says "ok."

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The elephant and the mouse was gonna go swimming at the lake, but they realize the Elephant forgot his swimming trunks! Mouse: Do you really need two trunks? Elephant: Oh well I can do with this one... but its not a swimming trunk! Mouse: Huh? Moral: Huh?

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How do you get black children to stop jumping on the bed? Tell them it's not allowed and that consequences will ensue if the rules are not followed.

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How do you wake up a black man? Punch him in the face.

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Q:What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A:I like your shoelaces!

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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to give him any drink. The bartender gives him the drink and the customer instantly dies. Another person in the bar asked the bartender what dring did you give him. He answered back.....poison

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How do you confuse a blond? Dress up as Lady Gaga and yell "Ni!" in her face.

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your birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory

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woman's rights

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hey John will you make some copies

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It is Scientifically proven that, if you have a shower in china... you get wet

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? A worm in your heart.

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(In a job interview) Interviewer: Name a time when you've failed sometime Me: I failed an HIV test last June, anything else?

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what was the last pizza place the twin towers ordered from? Domino's

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Q.why'd the monkey fall out of the tree A. because he was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops