How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to severely injure a human.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The farmer left his fence open and the chicken happened to cross a road.

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A schizophrenic walks into a bar. He has dual personalities and does not realize that he has murdered his family.

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Whats green, has 4 legs and falls out a tree? A pool table

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Have you seen the 6th sense? Nope, is it good? Yeah Bruce Willis is dead

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What do you do when a man in a corner offers you candy? You walk away.

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Why are Jews always so clean? Because they never come out of the shower.

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My parents have an open marriage.

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What kind of cheese isn't yours Nacho Cheese actually it depends on the type of cheese that you stole due to your kleptomania

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I love results day! for every A* I get 30 pounds! everything else I cut myself.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Xzibit

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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? A: This question has many different possible answers due to the range of sizes and shapes of bath tubs available on the market, and also depending on the size of the baby in question. It is therefore only possible to give a specific example.

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Hi what I lug you

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knock knock?? whos there?? Not yo cheese because i already ate it

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why did the man hit the flight attendant? Im just kidding he didnt.

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4-4-2

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A Man Walks Into A Bar. He's Immediately Rushed To The Hospital.

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4 1/2

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What do you get if you have a bundle of children's clothing, some moisturising cream, a gas mask, a lollipop, more candy and a bag? A disguise.

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Omg you bought a Prius? Children in Africa are starving and could have used that money to buy food.

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Why was the dwarf nicknamed The Anaconda? Because everybody loves a bit of irony.

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What do you get if you have 59 apples in your right hand and 74 pints of ice cream in your right? Large hands.

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What is the difference between a plum and an elephant? One is purple, and not an elephant.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops