Why did the terminal cancer patient die? Because he fell of the stairs with his wheelchair.

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Mitt Romney

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Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

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Yo mama so fat that.....NooNoooNooooooo (strips)

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Who would win in a chess duel between Ender Wiggin and Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl will calculate the optimal path to move his pieces. Ender Wiggin will calculate the optimal path to kill the queen, so all the other pieces just sort of fall down.

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why was the man sad? he found out his wife was man .

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What's worse than getting tripped? Getting shot.

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You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

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Why did the fortune cookie taste bad? I forgot to take the wrapper off.

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Why does Jimmy Neutron have a big head? Heredity.

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Why did the girl fall off of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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Me: You want pie? You: Yeah what flavour? Me: Pie flavour.

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What did the runner say after he ran 10 miles? I just ran 10 miles.

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What kind of a prediction is THAT?

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Why did Timmy drop his ball? Because he was hit by a bus. A) Knock knock? B) Who's there? C) Not Timmy

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whats green at the bottom of a hole and covered in cookie crumbs a girl scout run over by a truck

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Q:Baby, baby, baby, oooh A:Thats what she said.

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Why aren't elephants allowed in public pools? Because they are elephants.

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religion

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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Whats worse than losing The Game? The Holocaust

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what did binladin say when he got to hell? oh no. im in hell

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What's black and white and red all over? A car in which some young hoodlum appears to have splashed a fair amount of red paint over the owner's otherwise charming checker pattern.

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Why was bobby late for school? Because he drove off a bridge.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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