A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they got married and lived happy together for the rest of their lifes.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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A man buys free health care...

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A Pole walks into a bar and gets annexed by Germany.

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Q: How do you get a clown to stop smiling? A: Hit it with an axe

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he was too much of a bitch to when his friends dared him.

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What's the difference between a badger and a TV? Alot.

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Q:Why did Billy drop his ice cream? A:He was hit by a truck. Q:Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was hit by Billy. Q:Why did the clown's friend fall off the swing? A:He had no arms. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A:To get to Billy's ice cream.

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How are you this morning?

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What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

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My dad went into Home Depot, he went in to get garage door part, he took an hour and came back out with three things.

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What's bigger than your penis? The Empire State Building.

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Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

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Tyler: Hey, James if you were a cavemen you would die. James: Why? Tyler: Because everybody hates you.

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What do you call a white guy with a taller black woman? A man in a deeply committed relationship.

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A padawan walks into a bar. He is promptly ridiculed by his master for not minding his surroundings.

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You know you are from New York when you live in Manhattan.

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Why would someone smile at a tumble weed? I don't know, it's an inanimate object.And is ugly Just like the couch in the basement in That 70's Show.

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Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

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Q Why is an octopus like a tree? A Haven't the foggiest.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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