Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock Knock Who's there? It's actually much safer to look through the peep hole than it is to let a stranger know you are home.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

So you there Red?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Whats better than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why did the chicken cros the road? Becuase the all the cars were stopped at the near by red light.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why couldn't the guy find his pants? Because his girlfriend stole them last night

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the clerk say and do when he was givng out free food What he did:Gave them What he said:"If you want to get this free, pay $5.00"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Two astronauts go kayaking in the Sahara Desert. How many pancakes does it take to shingle doghouse? Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is a vampires favorite desert? Vampires aren't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

My mother-in-law is so ugly I actually feel quite sorry for her.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

170

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball your right hand, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's red and round? A red and round solid.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

The Arrowtongue commands the road like a semi-truck. But the Gyrosprinter corners on a dime.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A inventor was wandering around the desert one day, then he found a magic lamp, he rubbed on it and thus came up a genie! The genie asked: What do you want? The inventor responded: Meh, no idea... Thy wish is granted, answered the genie. The now ex inventor never came up with something new ever again.. Moral: Huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why do you give a blond a gun You dont

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did Sally drown? She wasn't wearing a life jacket and it was the the seventh time she had fallen off her water skis today. Her father was not coming back this time.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

thumb_up thumb_down -197

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into another apple and finding another worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Q: What's the meaning of life? A: Look in a Dictionary.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops