- Anti Joke

Scene:restraunt Me:can I have a coke please? Waiter:sorry we don't have any, is Pepsi ok? Me:is monopoly money ok?

Did you know that if you get all your intestines, and laid it out across the floor in a line, you would die?

LOVING BIRD DIEING BIRD DO NOT FLY AWAY

How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Why did the chicken die? He tried to cross a road by an alleyway, therefore getting hit by a double decker bus and the alleyway has nothing to do with it. Also, the chicken had one leg and was blind.

Q:what is a wheelchairs biggest fear A: steps

josh roberts got the d in geog

"What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby" "One's fun to hit with a bat and the other One's a watermelon.

I'm 4 and what is this?

There are two muffins in the oven. One says: "It's really getting hot in here!" The other one can't reply because it is already dead.

What is a vampire's favorite desert? Assuming they are real I dont think they would enjoy it in the daylight, so really there's no point.

Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day... set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

New Name for Jersey Shore: American Whorer Story

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

What's Big, Brown and really Runny ??? It doesn't matter anymore, i'll just leave the Toilet !!

1234567777777777777777778

A lobster walks up to an octopus. What does he say? Nothing. Lobsters cannot talk.

If you give a mouse a cookie... you're destroying their natural diet.

A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

What is worse than seeing your whole family die? Leaving your wallet on the bus.

How to confuse a dumbass: see previous post.

What do you call a fat kid who eats twinkies. Otto Hintz`````

A fat guy runs a marathon. He dies of obesity and dehydration.

Knock knock whos there? A dead black man ... i farted

Shush girl, shut your lips do the Helen Keller and advocate the rights the disabled.