What's 8 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A middle-aged white woman is walking toward a building, talking on her cellphone to a friend. She says, "Yes, I can meet you for lunch in a few hours. I have to go to the unemployment office to sign up for benefits. It's going to be horrible. It'll probably be full of black people." Standing in line, she is incredibly uncomfortable and horrified, because there is a black man right behind her, and she is stuck standing next to him for a long time. Finally it's her turn, and she steps up to the counter. The clerk asks her, "And what did you do for a living?" She answers, "I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom in a Blockbuster store that closed down." The clerk says, "Fill out this paperwork and take it to window #2." As she turns around, she is once more repulsed by the black man who is standing right there. Now that it's his turn, he steps to the counter, and the clerk asks him, "And what did you do for a living?" He answers, "I was the senior vice president of global strategic development for Eastman Kodak."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the doctor say to the young boy? We only planned on a annual checkup but have discovered that your and aids baby and only have 3 days to live. Tell your family members goodbye you'll be on life support in the next couple hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I STUCK MY TESTICLE IN A BLENDER!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Uh, summa lumma dooma lumma you assuming I'm a human What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman Innovative and I'm made of rubber, so that anything you say is Ricochet in off a me and it'll glue to you And I'm devastating more than ever demonstrating How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating Never fading, and I know that haters are forever waiting For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating 'Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A man walks up to another man and asks what time it is. He then replies " It's 2:00" The man then pulls out a sandwich and eats it

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A little boy came runing to his mum' mummy...can a little girl have ababy? Mom reply no...so, the boy ran out and told his frnd 'we can play naked again'.,

thumb_up thumb_down +17

baby seal walks into a club

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A caterpillar and its mom (a butterfly) come upon a lion eating an antelope. The caterpillar says "Mom, why is the lion so mean to the antelope?" The mom replies: "it's the circle of life." The next day, the caterpillar and his mom witness a bird of prey swooping down and eating a mouse. The caterpillar asks why the bird of prey is so mean and the mom responds by saying its the circle of life. The next day, the caterpillar and its mom come across a trail of dead animals. They follow the trail to the end where they see a great lion. The mom opens her mouth to say its the circle of life when her son jumps up and eats the lion. THE END.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats small yellow and cant swim? A short bus full of autistic children.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the Asian guy dumped by his hot girlfriend? Well you know what they say about Asian guys.... They are too dedicated to their schoolwork.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

When is Florida not the sunshine state? At night.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many morman minutes does it take to get to school? A lightyear

thumb_up thumb_down +17

guess wat chicken butt guess why chicken thy guess who chicken poo guess how he chickened out

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a girl had just gotten dumped by her boyfriend over a text message. she got very sad and became suicidal

thumb_up thumb_down +17

so i was F***in this guy the other day with my penis.....shit! i mean i was F***in this girl and i jizzed

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I didn't choose the thug life... I got a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Did you hear about Osama Bin Laden? Well, he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? 1

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Do you know whats sad? Global Warming Do you know why the polar bears are dying? Aids

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at it's face.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

billy has 100 candy bars he eats 78 of them what does he have now diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's a pirates favorite element the periodic table? Gold.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops