What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? Biting into an apple and finding 2 worms in it, what's worse than that? The holocaust, whats worse than that? Biting into an apple and finding 3 worms in it

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did one man say to the other? "hi other man"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men jump out, and the plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A slutty deer walks into a bar she then comes out and says wow i cant believe i blew 30 bucks

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what did the women say when she saw a tiger maul a rabbit? she didn't see it, she was in the kitchen cooking and ironing

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why are you so stupid? Becuse I spelled because wrong

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your momma is so fat that when she fell over, she couldn't get back up without help, and she probably got several bruises.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what do you call an exited rectangle? an Erectangle

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A YouTube brawl began between two gentlemen in the comment section. They agreed to a final answer and moved on.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What does Helen Keller order at McDonalds? Food.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's the difference between a bomb and a muslim? Nothing. The difference is only apparent. At the fundamental basic building blocks of the universe, everything is made up of quarks.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Abbie shaved her arse today....then it smiled at me

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A black man is setting up contingency measures of protection in his personal place of residence when all of a sudden, several warning alarms sound and a few specialized people with red "combating" devices who were alerted by the blatant scenerio unfolding before them were moving quickly in order to match previously stipulated criteria of value. The black man and his family were partaking in a monthly fire drill unfolding in their own house since they were extremely responsible, law-abiding citizens of the city they were located in that required various kinds ofl saftey precautions to be taken so to mitigate the serious chance that people might be hurt by preventable, residential distasters.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Did you hear about the little girl who got a bike for her birthday? Shes dying of Terminal Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What time do you go to the dentist? Depends on the appointment.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" Then the mother, realizing how her son could later become confused, clarified. She said, "You can say you have to pee as long as you say it in a quiet voice." The boy understood. There were no problems afterwards.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a puppy with one eye, one ear, and one leg? An ugly mother f*cker.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: What's the difference between a plum and a rabbit? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why can't Tommy ride his bicycle? Because Tommys' bike has a missing pedal.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

raisin boogers

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops