Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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What does Megatron say when a video game takes forever to load? "You have failed me yet again, Start Screen!"

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man when he walked into his office naked and wrapped in saran wrap? I can see your 'nuts'...

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How many Jews died in the Holocaust? Not enough.

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Robin- Hey, Batman, can i drive tonight? Batman- Eat my left dick Robin- OK, Batman, but can i still ... mmuupfm fmuupmf... I suppose that means no... mmmupf mmfupfmpfmum...

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Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

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Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

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Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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What's big, wet and hairy? Not what you think it is.

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What's the difference between a badger and a TV? Alot.

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A man walks into a bar. He had to leave promptly because he, according to the law, was too young to be served alcohol.

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What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

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when I shaved this morning....... hairs went down the sink

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What do you call a gardener in Mexico? Un Jardinero.

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a man walks into a bar. Bartender asks him "Hey buddy, why the long face?" The man says "Because I'm a raging alcoholic and my wife has left me."

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Word play, punch-line, joke.

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Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

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How do you a baby into a small bowl? Put it in the blender. How to u get it out? Tostitos.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. They discuss their differences over a pint of beer and leave with a greater understanding of each other's faiths.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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