An asian is doing math hw then his dad drives through the door

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the batmobile? Robin, get in the batmobile

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If you go to an animal shelter to get a pet god, you may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than a bullet in the head? i have no idea, i have never been shot in the head so i'm not sure what to compare it to.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Martin Skrtel walks into a bar The bar breaks, Martin then pays for any damages caused

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So a baby seal walks into a club...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why couldnt the boy get into the pirate movie? he was hit by a mexican telephone server.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's woman spelled backwards? Sandwich-maker.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock. Who's there? Steve. Steve who? Steve Johnson, and I'm legally obligated to inform you that I'm a sex offender.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There was this land of cheerios. The regular cheerios were the poor ones, the honey nut cheerios were middle class but loved to party, and the frosted cheerios were very wealthy. So there was a young regular cheerio named paul who really had a crush on this frosted cheerio girl named sophia. He liked her so much, that he finally got the courage to ask her out. Shyly he asked her "do you want to go to prom with me" she said "no i only date frosted cheerios". Paul understood and went back to his house dissapointed. The next day Paul went to the doctor and he asked for an operation to make him a frosted cheerio. Since he wasn't very wealthy he could only afford an opperation that would make him a half cheerio. He decided it will do. The next day he approched sophia and asked "will you go to prom with me now" she said "sorry i only date full frosted cheerios" The next day paul went back to the doctor and convinced his parents to lend him some money to become a full frosted, so thats what he did. The next day he asked her out and she finnally said yes. A few days later they went to the prom together that was hosted by the honey nut cheerios. Sophia asked paul for some brownies so paul said sure and waited on the brownie line for quite a long time. He brought her the brownie and thought he was very nice for waiting on line for so long. Then she asked for some fruit punch. Paul looked around and around, until he realized there was no punch line.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Axel? Its Eliza, is that you? You alive again? I don't want to be no successor of anything, but thanks I guess. Neo-Nero has not shown up since you returned, I think he isn't very proud of himself and wont be a problem here on forward. He did push me aside, but now that you are alive, I wont even consider the thought of you "dying again" and unless you are dying or seriously ill, I don't want to hear anything about it. Seriously, how bad are you doing? Physically I mean? I am relieved, I mean we all thought you where dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

was michael jackson black or white? how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie poop? the world will never know

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I always like to pack a second pair of pants, because if there's one thing my mother ever said to me it was 'please, I'm begging you - don't put me in a home.'

thumb_up thumb_down +7

This sentence is not humorous in any fashion whatsoever.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Wife say to her husband about his Erectile Dysfunction? - Im sorry I dont know how to finish a joke based on this private a matter.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q.What do Santa Clause and a grape have in common? A.They both have beards. Except for the grape.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse says "I have Cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? The president. -Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats worse than being a 40 year old virgin? Being a 12 year old girl in Africa who gets raped everyday to feed her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did my mom smell bad. Because she is a corpse and has been dead for some days now

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A little boy ran to the pool to see how long he could hold his breath. He slipped and fractured his skull.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was Sally rolling in the grass? She was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats worst than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. Whats worst than a pile of dead babies? One live baby under the pile of dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops