the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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Q: What was Jerry Sandusky's defensive philosophy at Penn State? A: Get penetration and always cover the Tight End.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Shes been dead for some time now.

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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a short man asked a tall man "hey hows the weather up there"? the tall man couldnt answer cause he was sucked up by a tornado that missed the short man

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What happened when the dinosaur walked out into the rain? He got wet.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

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What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

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I have no soul so I must consume yours

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because no human can.

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What is a vampires favorite desert? Vampires aren't real.

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If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball your right hand, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

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What has wings but is often on the ground? An aircraft that has frequent take-off problems.

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when ever i finish a sentence say im a man Me :i met a girl You:im a man Me: i invited her to my place You: im a man Me: we sleept together You:im a man Me:she wisperd in my ear You: im a man

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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Knock, Knock Whose there? your friend Oh ok (opens the door) (it was not his friend but instead it was a giant panda who robbed him of his goods).

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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what do you call a black guy who flies planes? a pilot

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A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

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A Pole walks into a bar and gets annexed by Germany.

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What do you call a Black pilot? A pilot! What else would you call him, racist!

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Why does steve wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black

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Yo mama so fat she sells shade. Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit. Yo mama so fat she in call of duty when a player kills her they get a 5 person kill streak. Yo mama so fat that she is fat. :)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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