- Anti Joke

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

This is a joke only for males: Walk into any semi busy public restroom. Stand at the urinal for about 30 seconds to a minute acting as though you cannot find your penis. Make sure you have the attention of at least 2 other urinators and then exclaim quite loudly "I can't find it!" then walk out.

A: I've got a new knock knock jokes! Wanna hear it? B: Yeah. A: Oh you first. B: Knock knock! A: Who's there?

There was a brunette, a blonde and a red head, They were all great friends!

Want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke again? Bubbles was the girl next door, Jonny raped her.

What's the difference between a cult leader and a television personality? On average, 3.2 inches.

Justin Becnel falls off a tree, what happens? He breaks his neck and unfortunately dies.

2 guys get into a fight over a girl.....the girl walks out

Whats black and hangs from the my tree? A tire swing.

what kind of mexicans are NOT in the U.S. -legal

Martin Skrtel walks into a bar The bar breaks, Martin then pays for any damages caused

Q:Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? A:He slipped and fell. Q2:Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A2:He was stapled to the first monkey. Q3:Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A3:Peer pressure.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust What's worse than The Holocaust? TEN HOLOCAUSTS? What's worse then TEN HOLOCAUSTS? THE END OF THE WORLD

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the batmobile? Robin, get in the batmobile

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

What kind of words did the terrorist say on his date? His last ones.

why is 6 afraid of 7 its not, they actually have a domestic partnership going

You're so gay that you lost your virginity to someone of the same gender.

What did OJ Simpson say to the blonde? "Don't worry, I'm not going to murder you"

How many chinese women can you fit in a car? About the same amount as men.

What's red and hurts your teeth. Answer: a brick