Why do you never see hippopotamus hiding in trees? They are really good at it.

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Ask this to your friend. "Yo man, I really need your help on this question. Can you tell me color comes after 9?" guaranteed "wtf"

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How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?

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Why did the fisherman die on a fishing trip? He had a heart attack.

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why did the chicken cross the rode? so it can get the seed that is between the two yellow lines, and then he walked back without getting hit by a car.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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whats orange, green and has a treadmill attached to it? a cantaloupe, i lied about the treadmill.

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What's green and has wheels? a green car.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Adolf Hitler.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know I'm not a mind reader.

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why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? he got hit by a bus why was the little girl happy? because she found an icecream cone

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Whats the similairity between a dog and a cat? They're both cats, except for the dog.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, a dead baby is a horrible sight and shouldn't be laughed at.

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Why the boy doesn't get any birthday presents? he has cancer.

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How old is Batman? Old enough to be a bat.

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What has a beard and bombed the World Trade Center? Oama Bin Ladin. No, but seriously he's a terrorist.

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Why the bird can't fly? Because i cutt off his wings.

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Why did the little boy get food poisoning? Because his family can't afford to buy organic food, and can only afford McDonald's burgers, where their cows are forced to stand in their own feces.

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Whats Do You call people, on the top floor of a Double-Decker bus? Passengers

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Why do pokemon have hair? because they have no balls

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock? Whos there? Not Sally...

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Knock, Knock Who's there? The FBI

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut

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"who you calling pinhead" tell me you know what thats off

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops