Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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A Muslim walks into a bar. BOOM

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Why couldn't the black man swim? Both of his legs were just eaten by a shark.

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So snoop dog drank some milk! :)

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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What do you get when you cross a blonde with a dinosaur? Beastiality

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I like pancakes. I like pancakes. We have no pancakes

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Friend: "Hey man! Did you hear about the kid who bought the last hamster at the pet shop? Other friend: "No..." Friend: "Oh, well he shot himself last night."

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your mother is so rather large that when she stepped onto a scale, it stated her exact body weight which was 280 pounds. Which come to think of it isn't that big considering that obesity is now the norm and average people are referred to as abnormal.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why is the fat man fat? Because he has an extremly bad metabolism which makes him gain two pounds from eating one cheeseburger

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"We all miss somebody a lot every now and then, its only human! But never give up, just keep reloading and firing until you hit that somebody!" Moral: Moral, answer me, MORAL MOOOOORAAAAAAAAL! DUN DU DURUN, DUN DUN DUN! *gunshot* (The moral section just because I love them red thumbs ^^)

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What happened when the man stuck his hand in the blender? Nothing, it was turned off.

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Why couldn't Sarah see through her telescope? She was blind

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What happens when you cross a vampire and a werewolf? A cross between a vampire and a werewolf.

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? She made skittles.

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Why did the dude fall? Because he tripped over a stick.

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Why can't men give birth? Because men do not not have the reproductive organs required to give life to a new born child.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A pile of dead nuns.

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chuck norris

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Q; What is pink and has 2 legs? A: Not a lot of things, but a Flamingo is the closest thing that I could think of if you do not count the beak eyes and feet.

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Roses are red My parents are dead I am Batman.

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A black man walks into an abbatoir.

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Yo Momma Is Soooo Fat She Is Highly Obese

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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