A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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A: Ask me if I'm a truck. B: Are you a truck? A: No.

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Reporter: So, how do you feel knowing you don't have some place to work when you walk out of your house because of that tornado? Guy: "Well, it feels even worse knowing I don't have a house to walk out of. . ."

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Yo mamas so fat, that I need a new pair of sunglasses.

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roses are grey violets are grey im colorblind but your face is still black!!!

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if japanese cars are called riceburners would german cars be called jewburners

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What's worse than finding a repeated joke on Anti-Joke? Your family being massacred in front of your eyes.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue And you will be too when i'm done with ya

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Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

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How do u know someones running? They leave this????behind

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways and there was no traffic.

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A woman walks into a sex sop, she buys a dildo.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Shes been dead for some time now.

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When is homework not homework? When it is turned into the teacher.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German strand on an island. Searching the jungle, they fall into a trap. They get painfully killed and eaten by the cannibals.

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy mad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy in pain? A: Because a clown was ripping off the boys big toes with a hacksaw, all the while causing the small boy emotional pains by killing the boy's orange cat.

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My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

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Haiku's are three lines long. This isn't a haiku.

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Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

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Why did the boy dress up as a zombie? Because it was Halloween.

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Q : What did Piers tell his friend before leaving ? A : Bye.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? Well, she did.

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5

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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