What do you get if you cross a egg and toast? Egg n soldiers.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a human profession, and the other is a type of fish.

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Q. What do you call cheese that's not yours? A. Stolen, you're under arrest.

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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What did the Catholic Priest say to the little boy? May God be with you.

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How do you know when your dog is gay? When the dog starts wearing way to many Deep Vs and watches the Oxygen channel with "friends"

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Nature is filled with wondrous things. No really, this isn't a joke.

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Why is three afraid of four? Because four ate five.

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How do you drop a raw egg on to the floor without cracking it? Any way you want, it is very hard to crack concrete.

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Whats worse than sleeping on a bed of hot coals? Lupus

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A man walks into a bar. It was a salad bar, so he left.

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What's black and white and red all over it? Not a newspaper because red is not all over it. Answers to this question may vary.

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What happened when 7 8 9? Six was afraid! HAHAHaha....ha.... wait, no. I told that wrong....

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a black and a mexican are walking down the street, two cops look up to see this and immediately say "shit, this can't be good".

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What's spotty, can be found everywhere and is largely unpopular? Nothing.

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What starts with 'P' and ends with 'orn'? Popcorn.

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What do you call a girl with 1 eye and 3 arms... Chernobyl.

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What do you get when you eat all potatoes Their all gone

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What's the best way to get gum out of your hair? Cancer

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A Muslim walks into a bar. BOOM

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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My penis is so big that some women find it uncomfortable.

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Why couldn't the black man swim? Both of his legs were just eaten by a shark.

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your mother is so rather large that when she stepped onto a scale, it stated her exact body weight which was 280 pounds. Which come to think of it isn't that big considering that obesity is now the norm and average people are referred to as abnormal.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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