Three jews walk into a bar. The bar is hosting a bar mitzvah.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Oh yeah? Well you're as gay as this joke!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's similar between my butthole and shampoo? They both smell good, except for by butthole.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you know it's a bad day? When your brain does not release a high enough level of seratonin.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why was little johnny laughing all day cactus

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why was Helen Keller a terrible driver? She was a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why did the chicken cross the road, but didnt make it he didnt cross it. he was pushed by a band of gang members and hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Bacon is delcious.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q:Whats worse than you touching yourself at night A: The holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

how do you make a cat blink? strike him with a hammer.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two muffins were in an oven. One muffin said "Wow, its hot in here." The other muffin said "Oh my gosh a talking muffin!" The house burnt down because the oven created a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I STUCK MY TESTICLE IN A BLENDER!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A middle-aged white woman is walking toward a building, talking on her cellphone to a friend. She says, "Yes, I can meet you for lunch in a few hours. I have to go to the unemployment office to sign up for benefits. It's going to be horrible. It'll probably be full of black people." Standing in line, she is incredibly uncomfortable and horrified, because there is a black man right behind her, and she is stuck standing next to him for a long time. Finally it's her turn, and she steps up to the counter. The clerk asks her, "And what did you do for a living?" She answers, "I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom in a Blockbuster store that closed down." The clerk says, "Fill out this paperwork and take it to window #2." As she turns around, she is once more repulsed by the black man who is standing right there. Now that it's his turn, he steps to the counter, and the clerk asks him, "And what did you do for a living?" He answers, "I was the senior vice president of global strategic development for Eastman Kodak."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A Boy Walks Up To A Frog At the Bus Stop And Says, “Why Are You So Upset?” And The Frog Replied, “I’m Waiting For The Bus Because My Car Just Got TOAD!”

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than 12 dead babies in one trash can? 1 dead baby in 12 trash cans.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A blond, brunette, and red head jump off a building. Who hit the ground last? The red head because she was last to jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why didn't Angie die when she jumped off the Empire State Building? She landed on a pancake

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Three peasants were brought in front of the King to be rewarded for their assistance during a drought. The King told them that they could each request one thing from him that he could provide. The first man asked to be rich, so the King ordered his guards to fetch a large sack that was filled to the brim with gems and gold pieces. The man thanked the King and left his palace joyfully. The second man asked for a larger house so the King gave him access to one of his many castles. He hurriedly left, eager to try out his new home for size. The third man asked for a cat so the King gave him a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What makes men cry? The realization that humanity is completely pointless in the infinitely expanding universe and thus any action to try and improve human life is also a complete farce.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops