Mitt Romney's economic plan for America.

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i homeless man asked for ome change. he didnt get any because people were afraid he would spend it on drugs

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Pineapple.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I said so.

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why did the man fall off his bike? He got shot by the navy seals, He was a highly decorated terrorist.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was mauled by a tiger.

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How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

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whats wors than getting hit by a car? getting raped by a giant scorpian

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What's more easier to break than a thin stick? A woman's neck.

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What would a prostitute do if she was given a million dollars? She would probably diversify her portfolio. First, she would pay her rent. She would buy some groceries and a present for her mother. She would then invest it in stocks and low-yield bonds. She would they buy a vehicle. This win might not affect her continuance in her job.

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What do you call a blonde who likes to read? A bookworm.

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Guy: "Did you hear about the guy who cried wolf?" Friend: "Yes. He was pulling your leg. People cry tears not wolves." Guy: "How did you know he was pulling my leg?" Friend: "If you look down, he's still there pulling it."

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Your mom is so fat, she got obese and died.

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Breast cancer.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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A drunk guy walks into a bar. A blind man walks into the same bar.

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A spaceship enters a black hole. A spaceship enters a black hole. A spaceship enters a black hole.

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Justin Bieber

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Hi

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Why did the gambler sell his house? Because he needed money to pay for male hookers.

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What do you call a fat Chinese person? A chunk.

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Emergency call: - Please help, my little son swallowed a condom! 5 minutes later - It is ok, I found another one.

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Your Mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

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What do you call a man with a fork stuck in his head? A man with a fork stuck in his head

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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