How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Listen pretty lady, NO WHAT WE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR LIKE SIXTEEN HOURS OR SOMETHING NON STOP STRAIGHT, IS VERBOTEN! Honestly, for me its a bit of a requirement, sure girls can go all like "But you are like friendzoned to me now", but then I... Hmm, you know, not a womanizer,my wife has the right word for it, I am a seducer.... Suddenly I do not like the sound of that, actually Its not a bit of a requirement, it is TOTALLY a requirement. Say, does it bother you when I mention my wife like at randomness?

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What do you get when you mix red and blue? Gang violence.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Not because she had no arms, but because she just had no hands.

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What's the difference between and indian man and a barstool....... indians walked on the moon with a cow named chester.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

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What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? You don't call him anything... You call for help.

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Chuck Norris doesn't wait in traffic, he takes the subway

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Roses are red. Violets are black. Why is ur chest as flat as ur back?

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A man with no face walks into a bar, another man sees this and promptly asks "Sir, why do you have no face?" The first man says nothing and walks away.

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What's brown and green, has six legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What did the bird say on twitter? Tweet tweet.

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Why did the black man die of leukemia? Overexposure to radioactive materials due to his career as a nuclear engineer.

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Once upon a time, The end.

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Why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a pineapple

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Why was the black man in prison? He was wrongly accused of a felony and the jury by whom he was tried was largely racist.

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Friend's are like pinguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

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Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red OH SH*T MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!!!!!

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What do you call a guy and two girls are at the bottom of the ocean? A guy and two girls at the bottom of the ocean.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies " My daughter just died of leukemia."

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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I walked into an elevator with Ray Rice...

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he had poor coordination.

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Q:If Ryan Vallee walks into a room what do you do? A:Walk out -Ryan V

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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