How did the baby cross the road? .......... It was stapled to the chicken.

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How do you make a puppy stop barking? Throw a brick at it.

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Why did Silly Billy throw a clock out the window? Because he has a serious anger problem.

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Why did the fortune cookie taste bad? I forgot to take the wrapper off.

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I was at work today and whilst staring at my beautiful colleague I realised how hard it had got. So I quit

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What's worse than getting tripped? Getting shot.

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Who would win in a chess duel between Ender Wiggin and Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl will calculate the optimal path to move his pieces. Ender Wiggin will calculate the optimal path to kill the queen, so all the other pieces just sort of fall down.

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Yo mama so fat that.....NooNoooNooooooo (strips)

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What do you call a fat Chinese person? A chunk.

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What do you call a boy with no arms? Names.

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Your mum is so overweight, she is at risk of heart disease, I highly recommend she visits her GP.

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Has u seen my grammar?

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what do you call a fat black cat and a skinny white dog? Just two animals that are judged.

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Mitt Romney

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how do you get a mexican to fall off of a cliff? you push them off

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it could not afford sandals.

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please dis this joke, I want to get to the bottom of the leaderboard!

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your moms soooooo FAT that she went on a diet and became really sexy

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Why was the boys dick hard? Because he stuck it in a hole in the snow.

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I really don't care how you dress at my funeral, I'll be dead!

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Yo mama so fat she went on a diet and steadily lost wait

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Why can't Bob go to the store? He's dead.

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Your mother is so fat she has made a concerted effort to loose weight and lead a healthier lifestyle

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops