a fat man walks into a bar and gets laughed at because his shoes are untied

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doctor doctor i have been having a sore head recently . doctor : have you hurt your head yes

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Why did the beachball get sad after it was deflated? Beachballs don't have emotions.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Have you seen the size of their fingers!?!?!

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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A man with a ski mask leaves a jewelry store He then goes back because he accidentally took the clerk's pen

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Roses are Red Violets are blue You little stupid ass bitch I ain't fucking with you

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Q: What do janitors and nuns have in common? A: They can't fly.

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A white rapper. HAHAHAHAHAHA oh ya he was muslim.

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Why did the chicken protest? He wanted to be able to cross the street without getting his motives questioned.

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Roses are red, Violets are pretty, look at their team, Surrender at 20.

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What did the deaf boy get for Christmas? Something like udgtationdaidnmgf

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24

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Roses are red violets are ponies I dont know what to say mircowave

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so i was F***in this guy the other day with my penis.....shit! i mean i was F***in this girl and i jizzed

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What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple? I don't cum on an apple before I eat it.

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Why did the man die? He had a heart attack.

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knock knock. come in.

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Why did the cat land on it's back.... because its dead .......

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He lacked the required muscular, integumentary, and nervous systems required to do so (among other essential bodily systems).

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If at first you don't succeed, there's a very substantial probability that you failed.

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Whats black and has a large penis? A dog with abnormal sized genitalia.

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why'd the chicken cross the road? he didn't what kind of farmer lets their chickens out on the streets, they get crunk you know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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