You

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why not

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Knock Knock. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. ANYBODY HOME?

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why do bananas wear sunscreen? becuase they peel!

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was tied to the chicken

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What's the difference between George W Bush and a doorknob? George W Bush is the president of the United States. A doorknob is a mechanical device that securely closes a hinged door, thereby keeping your family safe from danger.

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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When Chuck Norris runs, he doesn't even move a muscle.

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Roses are green Violets are yellow I have an optical disorder

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Well, as you know, I have alzheimers and... ... ... ... ... ... Well, as you know, I have alzheimers.

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The dog buried it's bone. The next day it unburied it, and chewed on it until it was wrecked.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Why couldn't the man find his watch? Because he was mugged by a homeless man and had severe brain damage..... ....and because he left it at the office

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What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing. Hitler died many years ago now and he was in no position of power during Bin Laden's reign of terror due to the fact that he was already dead. Therefore it is impossible that they could have had any sort of conversation. But now Bin Laden is dead as well. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

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roses are red Jacob's a Jew the holocaust was funny Haha f**k you

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What happened after a Mexican drank 4 shots? He got drunk and died in a car accident.

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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What do you call a black man in space? an astronaut

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What did a tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

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You don't need to know a girls period schedule. Just look in the garbage.

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What do you say to a man, who calls you 3 AM? - "Hello!"

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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