A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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what if i told you that leonardo decaprio didnt need an oscar but an oscar needed a leonardo decaprio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(_)_)=============D

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1 pack of bacon 2 fat guys. They both die fighting over it.

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Knock knock. Whose there? Not my house so not my problem. Frankly, I don't give a shit.

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How do you kill a blonde? Throw a fridge at her

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What did Susie get for Christmas? AIDS.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Two holocausts What's worse than two holocausts? Twilight

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There are two men named Dan. The first man says, "Hello, my name is Dan." The second man says, "Hello, my name is also Dan."

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What did the orphan get for christmas? Glaucoma.

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How did the two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for half an hr? They didn't and they died.

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Why is Islam the fastest growing religion? Because black people breed like rats.

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On monday morning the doctor walked into a patient's room, then he walked out after a quick check up.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Steve

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The Christian Bible.

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What did the unicorn say to the man.\ Nothing unicorns don't exist

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Two Irish men walks out of a bar

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How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.

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What's worst than losing a million dollars? Losing a plane. Whats worst than losing a plane? losing 239 people, a plane and a million dollars

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Q. Whats green jumps up and down and then red? A.A frog in a mixer

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Two men walk into a bar. You think the second man would have seen it.

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Roses are red Violets are red Grass is red Oh no! Someone's been murdered in my garden!

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4 people: A pilot, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a little kid, are all on an airplane with only 3 parachutes, when the plane's engine explodes and starts to go down. But the pilot makes an emergency landing at a nearby airport and everybody is okay.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? I'm not sure, he could not unwrap them.

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What did Helen Keller say to the leper? Buaaaaguuuhloo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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