Why did the bird fall out of the tree?" "Because it was dead?" "No. Becaus it was stapled to the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

roses are red, violets are blue, i have adhd, OH A CHEESEPUFF

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many worms dose it take to eat an apple? One.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why was the brick acting yellow? No, because it's allowed via Tuesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why was six afraid of seven? Because Se7en was a scary movie!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

A one legged long jumper missed the world record by one foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

You don't need to know a girls period schedule. Just look in the garbage.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

whats funnier than a penguin playing a banjo? i don't know because I've never seen one and probably never will because it is a highly improbable event.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizza is not a group of people but in fact a dish originating in the Middle East.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why did the lion get lost? because the jungle is massive.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Sometimes, people ask me, "Do you always have to be so obnoxious?" And to that I reply, "I don't always, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis." Stay thirsty, my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's the difference between a Jew and a Scout? The Scout gets to come home from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Uh, "Abel", seriously get over here and then get some sleep, not only did you get the code all wrong, there is no number to be deciphered at all, besides its called a laptop with a battery. Speaking of general dumbass... You have not changed the least, you really remind me of a cruel, sloppy, less disciplined (except the wise cracking thing Nero resorted to to push me away and apparently dodge gun fire, maybe his way of handling nerves. You might look like him, but personality wise you are completely different, cruel, sloppy, graphical, I mean did you ever see Nero get angry? I never did. That said Neo-Nero, you are a nice guy too, especially if you get here fast enough, I mean this place is freezing.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Robin- Hey, Batman, can i drive tonight? Batman- Eat my left dick Robin- OK, Batman, but can i still ... mmuupfm fmuupmf... I suppose that means no... mmmupf mmfupfmpfmum...

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Chuck Norris is a regular human being, just like the rest of us.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

thumb_up thumb_down -124

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She didn't pass her driving test.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

a man is stranded on a deserted island with no food, water or clothing and he comes upon a magical genie lamp, a genie pops out and tells him that he has three wishes, the man asks for food,water, and clothing, the genie says "of course" the man was elated but then the genie says " but i'm afraid to tell you that genies don't exist and your hallucinating from your harsh living conditions...i'm sorry" the man lived two more weeks before dying slowly...

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What happened the magic tractor? It turned into the feild!

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was very mad at his mother, so he ran away, and, on the other side of the road, he saw a ver luxurious chicken coop. In other words, duh.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

When Chuck Norris runs, he doesn't even move a muscle.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops