whats the difference between you're mom and you're dad none there both the same

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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What's funnier than my jokes? your face.

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

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What's white, black and can't fit through a man hole? A nun with a spear in their head

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If life throws you lemons, throw them back and ask for some water because lemonade only makes you thirstier due to the large amounts of sugar used.

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Your mama is so ugly. But she is still a respected member of the community

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where does a person with one leg work? anywere

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What happened when man put a dog in the blender? He got arrested for Animal abuse

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knock knock whos there ben ben who ben ages since i seen you !!! vote this up please or a unicorn will die , unicorns are not real , but a moth can ride bikes so please vote this down

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: Because he had brain cancer.

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Why couldn't the elephant ride the bike? Because it didn't have a thumb to ring the bell!

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Two black men walk into a strip club. They immediately walk out because they have faithful wives at home nurturing their beautiful African children.

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How did little Jimmy survive the 20 story fall? He couldn't he died from the last fall, aren't you paying attention?

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How are a pizza and a jew similar? They both are people aside from the pizza.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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F Detroit! I'm more of a Bulls fan

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"Is the Pope a Catholic?" Yes.

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Why is it that all cats dislike flying saucers? The strange noises and lights probably frighten them, as they don't understand the concepts of extra-terrestrial intelligence and space travel.

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Knock knock. *after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went* Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

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Adele walks into the stables

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why did the man steal change from the tip jar? he wanted another state quarter for his collection

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Two gays walk into a bar, they are then kicked out by the homophobic owner.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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