you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

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2 polar bears are standing on a chunk of ice that is floating in the Arctic Sea. One turns to the other and says, 'Dyu know; I keep thinking it's Thursday...'

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Dont look at me.

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What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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Did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Don't worry, he didn't either

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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"I have been threw the desert with a horse with no no name" wrong the horse, name was no name

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So a frog and a penguin were talking and the frog says, " I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're freezing, but the good news is: We have a conoe!".

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Roses are red Violets are blue Last night I came home to find my entire family murdered....

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So i was thinking of going to japan for spring break. I've heard they have some awesome swells.

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They discuss politics and time travel.

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A one legged long jumper missed the world record by one foot.

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What do you call an owl that is a magician too? Owls cannot be magician you retard.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

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What did a tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

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A man walks into a restaurant and orders a rare steak. Soon after, he gets food poisoning.

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9/11/01 was a terrible day I got dirt on my suit when touring NY

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The dog buried it's bone. The next day it unburied it, and chewed on it until it was wrecked.

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What's worse than ten dead babies? Not much.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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Knock knock Who's there doorbell Doorbell who Doorbells can't knock

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Hear the one about the giraffe and the clown? Yes.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she died of diabeties and we all mourn her loss.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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