Student: May i go to the toilet? Teacher: What for? Student: To open the chamber of secrets!

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Knock knock Who's there? Impatient Hellen Keller. Impatient Hellen Keller who? ...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because that's where all of the other chickens are.

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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Why did the little kid fall off the rollercoaster? His dad threw him off.

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A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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fduck

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Billy: You're so ugly you made an onion cry! Jack: I'm rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces back and sticks to you. Billy was so upset at what he said and decided to leave.

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roses are red violets are blue you think shes hot? how BLIND are you?

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Alot of people try to make shitty jokes on this webpage, thinking they're funny. They aren't.

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What did the fish say when it hit the big stone wall? DAM

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why does god like Justin Bieber? He can't god doesn't like the devil.

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Dad: sussy, do you know how you were made? Sussy: No, how? Dad: With this DICK!!

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A sober Amy Winehouse

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Q. How do you kill a dumb blonde? A. Shoot her.

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Why are Chinese people short? Chinese people are often exposed to harmful chemicals because of lax environmental laws, and suffer from poor nutrition.

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What's behind Chuck Norris' beard? His chin

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How did Princess Diana cross the road? Through the windshield

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Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up.

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What did the girl get for Christmas? Nothing, she was homeless and dead.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would run away too if your name was urdaagaa.

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A redhead walks into a hairdressing salon and asks to have her hair dyed black due to being a subject of bullying and social rudeness.

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What crawls on the ground and shoots arrows? Legless Legolas.

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If Jim lives in north carolina, what does that make his dad's brother? Black

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops