Roses are Red Violets are Blue And you will be too when i'm done with ya

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? The police The police who? I'm sorry mam but your husband is dead.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? *Silence* (The person knocking is deaf)

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What kind of "room" can you not enter? One with a locked door.

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What's a skeleton's favorite type of music? Nothing. Skeletons are just the decomposed remains of a being that was once living.

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What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

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What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

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How do you keep a black guy out of your backyard? You tell him "STAY OUT"

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Q. What is green and has wheels? A. Grass, I was joking about the wheels.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Comfortably, four.

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Did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Don't worry, he didn't either

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What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

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Why do I staple a mans mouth to his penis. Because I wanted to

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why did the duck cross the road? More than likely there was something that appeals to the duck on the other side such as a pond or duck food. On the contrary there could also be something that did not appeal to the duck on the side from which he is departing from such as a lack of a pond or a lack of duck food.

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A man walks into a restaurant and orders a rare steak. Soon after, he gets food poisoning.

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Why couldn't Carys answer the phone? - She had an ear infection.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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9/11/01 was a terrible day I got dirt on my suit when touring NY

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What do you do when you see a mentally challenged kid in a wheelchair? Walk up and offer to push him, as you should since he probably hasn't had a lot of friends in his lifetime.

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Guy 1: Ever heard of Ethiopian food? Guy 2: No habla espanol... Guy 1: Oh....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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