What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men jump out, and the plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Person 1: Hey Person 2: What's up? Person 1: Kill Yoself Person 2: Alright

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you fit 1000 Jews into a car? You can't. You'd need a much larger vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the same between a school bus and a grape? They're both purple. Except for the bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

once upon a time there was a girl named katie. she walked across the road. she got hit by a truck. now she's in heaven. the end,.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

your mothers so silly she saw a rock and sat on a chair.......?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You see how lame this is?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Wanna hear a joke? Yes Then go on the internet and find some jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What did Stevie Wonder eat for dinner last night? A: Something consumable

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two tomatoes walk across the street and manage to get over safely. COME ON MUSTARD!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mama is so so skinny, when she sits around the house, she sits comfortably in every chair. - Stephen Colbert

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why didn't the parakeet eat my diarrhea? I already ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red Violets are blue God makes things beautiful... What happened to you

thumb_up thumb_down +3

squirrels playing in the street=dez bryant playing tennis

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happens when a leprechaun refuses to give you his pot of gold? He doesn't give you his gold.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter ponder with cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the train say at the party Thomas isn't really dumb ass

thumb_up thumb_down +3

knock knock, Whos there ?? Johnny. Come in fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

All your base are belong to us. Shame on you for making fun of the Japanese. They can't help their broken English sometimes. How would you like it if someone were to nitpick about every single word you typed? Yeah, bet you wouldn't like that, would you? Would it make you feel a bit more guilty to know these people suffered through a horrible earthquake and tsunami - and still managed to survive? Huh? Or that they continue to outshine most other countries in the world in the field of high-technology? Sure, maybe they DID blow up Pearl Harbor in 1941 and send us reeling into another World War. Everyone makes mistakes. Based on the past, "All your base are belong to us" seems pretty trivial now, doesn't it? Go apologize to a Japanese man right now, and never speak of this again.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a blonde prostitute your bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops