What do you call a large group of Apes attacking San Francisco? Well, it isn't called anything but coincidentally there is a movie called Rise of the Planet of the Apes which was released August 5, 2011 starring James Franco and Andy Serkis. -David Bruggen

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No, we are all different, none of us are the same, you however, have no match, your ability to think influence and inspire even today, is unmatched. It is he who is unmatched, who stands alone.

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What's the deal with airplane food? Why don't they serve it as a complimentary part of the flight anymore?

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What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

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Why is the fat man fat? Because he has an extremly bad metabolism which makes him gain two pounds from eating one cheeseburger

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz "Somebody left the gate open"

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What do you call a guy who can't get a girlfriend? Me.

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Sucks to be a fish.

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Why did the boy get hit by the bus? He didn't check both sides before crossing

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? I don't know it really depends on the car, usually about 2 in the front, 3 in the back and... That's about it

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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My nigga so racist he killed a man cause he was white.

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roses are red violets are blue dinosaurs are extinct obama is black

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What did Santa Clause say to Rudolf? Nothing. Santa's not real.

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What did Einstein say to the blonde? 'What specific part of the theory don't you understand?'

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Why did the kid fail? He procrastinated.

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there once was a man from Nantucket. He was a fisherman.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream ? He got hit by a bus !

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I like my coffee how I like my women. Without a penis. - Blake Woodman

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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Why was the man waiting at the bus stop? He was on his way to work

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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