Q) What's worse than getting dumped by text? A) Getting hit by a fridge.

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Romans rights.

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What has legs but may never walk? A Vietam Vet

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Why do girls wear perfume? Because they smell and they're ugly

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Roses are orange Violets are grey I love penguins Damn Jews

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AIDS

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Samraj.

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What has a bomb straped to itself and has wheels? Me. I lied about the wheels.

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What do you get when you jab a four year old with a pair of scissors? A warrant for your arrest.

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Why did the baby cross the road? 'cause i kicked it.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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An old couple walks up to me and says, "can you take our picture? It's our 50th anniversary." I reply, "sure." Then I pull the man to the side and ask, "how do you make a relationship last so long? I can't make one last 50 days let alone years." He leans in and says, "cheat"

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what did the caterpillar say to the butterfly? Im gonna turn into you.

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knock knock Who's there? Someone who wants to save you from the shitty dinner your lazy wife made.

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Roses are red, violets are blue my neighbor is black he will jump you too

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" ding dong " person in side: wait aren't u supposed to knock knock

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What is the secret to winning football games? Score the most points.

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Harry Chappell raped someone

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What's the difference between a BMW and a murder victim? I don't have a BMW in my garage.

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how many black guys goes it take to screw inalightbulb? just one, but inalightbulb was feeling rather slutty today, so 2.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar... Bartender: "hey we have a drink named after you!" Grasshopper: "What, Kevin?"

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What did the banker say to the other banker? We're both bankers!

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Whats pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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