What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.

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What's the difference between an orange? The horse because the vest has no sleeves.

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what has four wheels and opens using a key? -a trunk on wheels

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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Religion.

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Hey girl, are you from Jamaica? Cus ja makin me go temporarily insane.

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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Yo mama's so fat, she weighs 283 pounds.

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Why couldn't Harry Potter get a job at Mc Donalds? Because he isn't real.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot had a seizure.

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I once saw a picture of a man who was bloodily murdered with his testicles replacing his eyes. then i had a nightmare, that was completely unrelated

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Q: How do you make scrach paper? A: Take a paper and scrach it.

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You're flying over a lake in your canoe and the wheels fall off. How many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? None! because ice-Cream doesn't have legs!

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Two generals went for a trip, it went very well in general.

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"Knock, Knock" "who's there" "John doe" "John doe who" "I told you my my name was john doe"

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Why did the black guy scream? well, he just saw his friend get shot, and there was blood everywhere.

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Knock knock. Why are you saying that, you should actually knock the door. Oh ok.

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Q: What do you call Justin Bieber with a penis? A: Darn good plastic surgery.

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An Asian, white, and a black man decide to play Russian Roulette. The Asian goes first and shoots himself in the head. The white man picks up the gun for his turn. The black man runs down the street screaming. Cops see him and the white man holding the gun, both are sent to jail for life for the murder of their friend.

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a potato flew around my room

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Always put punctuation at the end of your sentence

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Blonds are cute and so are u.

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What does Santa Claus keep in his gardening shed? Nothing. Santa Claus isn't real.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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