Do you know what it looks like when you put a cat in the microwave for 3 minutes? I don't know either because I close my eyes when I masturbate.

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When Kylie and Conner have a baby he will have a centimeter Schmeter!

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Q: What do dogs and wind have in common? A: They're both blue. Except the dog. Or the wind. Wind is colorless.

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

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What does Tupac and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead but most of the people think they aren't.

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A man walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Are you smelling me right now?"

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Do you have to make frequent trips to the bathroom? Do you have a weak or broken stream? Do you leave the bathroom feeling satisfied? Do your frequent trips to the bathroom interrupt everyday activities? Well you should take Lunesta and just sleep. Then you wouldn't have this problem.

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why was six afraid of seven? seven was a sex offender

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Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

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Neither does he.

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. Where's my tractor?

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Q: Why did the Unicorn cross the road? A: It didn't Unicorns are fictional creatures.

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What looks like a chair but isn't? A picture of a chair.

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Whats worse than bitting into a apple and finding a worm? Being the worm who just lost nearly half his whole house because some jerk decided to eat an apple on the ground, whom after eating the apple destroyed the worms self-esteem by making the comparison to the worse thing possible. Or being raped by Zeus in the form of a worm.

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How many women does it take to drive a car? One. She had a sex change.

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Mark Wilson

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civil rights

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Q: What did the Jewish man find when he turned on his shower? A: gas

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What is funnier than 24? 25! hahahahahaha!

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How many times can the Frenchman cheat on his wife? I don't know.

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You ever hear that joke about Helen Keller? Neither has she.

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Make little things count Teach midgets math

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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How do you get an Orphan's hands to bleed? Tell them to clap till daddy gets home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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