knock knock - "who's there" - "i'm a escaped convict who's here to murder you and rob your house" - "Well come in the doors already open"

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Two doctors were performing open heart surgery on a 54-year old woman. The surgery was a success, and she is now living comfortably in Portland, OR. She enjoys sweet tea.

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I want to tie a baby to the back of a truck then reverse into a wall.

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Knock Knock Who's there? F F who? F you.

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whats red and bad for your teeth... A brick.

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Got tired of McDonalds Jim?

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why did the husband always work late nights? he needed the extra hours to provide for his family

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Why did the boy drop the ice cream? Because he had a seizure.

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why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent

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When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world as they wonder how you did it

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because it was going to the destination he wanted to go to.

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If a tree falls in a forest and only one women is there to hear it, does i make a sound? Trick question: there's no forests in kitchens.

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what did the horse say to the bartender? why the short face?

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Yo mama so fat she went on a diet and steadily lost wait

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Tell her to inform the police that her significant other is assaulting them and that she should file a restraining order.

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Is it possible to mix an answer to a question with another? No. Aids are perfect for fear training.

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In Soviet Russia... People Die for Voicing their Opinions

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A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

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Why was the asian boy made fun of in the locker room? Because of the nipple piercing he had.

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When Kurt Cobain was little, his mother told him to never play with guns but I guess it went through one ear and out the other.

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Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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why did the chicken cross the road? dunno. i wasnt there.

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What do you get if you mix razor blades with babies? An erection.

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An Irish man walks past a bar... it could happen...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops