What's worse than taking a bite in an apple and finding a worm in it? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.

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What's a fun thing to do on a plane? Make a bolt to the pilot, smash his brains in with a iron pipe and make the plane plummet a few hundred feet with a maniacal laugh until you wake up from your dream and scream at your mother to wipe you.

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If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A horse walks into a bar, and a man says "Hey, why the long face?" The horse calmly turns to him and replies, "Because I'm a horse you drunk moron."

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What did the hobo say while giving birth? bob come over here and hold my third leg for me??

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What does a Jewish man do when he sees a new car? Doesn't buy it because he puts his money in a fund.

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An Indian child is born with three arms. After being ridiculed his whole life he kills himself at age 19.

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Why did the mexican order a bean burrito? Because thats his favorite

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what did the caterpillar say to the butterfly? Im gonna turn into you.

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The first few weeks of joining weight-watchers...you're just finding your feet.

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How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? 1

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Why are rich people so rich? they're not poor.

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A blonde, red head and brunette decide the jump off a cliff....... They all die

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Q. What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? A. Robin, get in the car.

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What do you get when you hit a deer? A dead deer, which you should probably take home to eat - wouldn't want it to go to waste.

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What's the difference between Mel Gibson and a pineapple? Well at a molecular level, not much because both are made up of atoms.

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What do Native Indians and Asian Indians have in common? They're both human.

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sometimes i put my hands on the floor tuck my head into my cheat and lean forward... because thats how i roll

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Nickelback

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Chickens want to live in a world where they arent judged for cossing a road ......... K?

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what happened to the kid who didn't get what he wanted for his birthday? He committed suicide

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There once were 2 cowboys who were lost on a dusty trail. Later on they found their way out and are now doing very successful

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I love telling anti jokes rather than jokes because I was born with a rare case of ebola and suffer from alcoholicationism

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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