How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the only thing a Black Hole can't absorb? Nothing. It absorbs everything, even light.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

r u smart..... or ur black

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How come grilled cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many jews can fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 6 million in the ash tray

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A little girl had a sleepover with her friends. They watched a movie, then went to bed at a reasonable time. /

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Who needs god when coffee is cheaper

thumb_up thumb_down +1

One kid says I've had threw bottles of water and I haven't had to go to the bathroom. His friend says may have a urinary tract infection.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't Susie's dad come home on time? He was dragged into a dark alley, then stabbed in the eye. When his body was found 2 days later, Susie couldnt stand the loss and hung herself the day after her father was found.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did Sally fall of the swing set? Because she got hit with a mattress

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is white and tastes like cotton candy? Jizz

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey, I just met you... No, I'm your brother. You've known me for 30 years. You must have memory loss.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will you have for dinner? The duck says "quack".

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How did the man drown the fish? He ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Found out my dad was gay the other day. Now I have to take him to dance clubs, take him to musicals and find the man who gave birth to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Who took the last can of soda? I dunno.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a girl who was knocked off a swing by a fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A drunken man grabbed a gun and shot his entire family to death. Luckily, a even drunker man had shot them moments before, so it really only served to ruin the perfectly good wall behind them with bullet holes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is a five letter word that sounds just like trucks? Vroom

thumb_up thumb_down +1

"I like my women like I like my coffee, in a cup." -Paul Alangadan

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the baby cross the road? Because it most likely saw a shiny object and wanted to play with it. Luckily there was no cars passing at the time but the parents should be more careful to keep thier child in sight and away from peril. That and the baby found a small piece of glass that could be harmful to it....

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why is this room orange? Because I painted it orange. You didn't paint it; my mom painted it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops