Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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My Friday was going great until i realized it's Thursday...

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Roses are red violets are blue i heart my toilet Becuase it holds all my POO!!!!!!!!

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how many jews can you fit in an oven? -well zero because the conventional oven cannot fit a full sized human

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How many licks does it take for a pedophile to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Given a simple random sample of pedophiles, they will most likely have the same statistical standard normal distribution of tongue sizes and saliva efficacy as any other part of the population. Therefore, that question in regards to the tongues of pedophiles is irrelevant and remains unanswered.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Susie sells seashells by the seashore. Susie was a schizophrenic bitch who caused irreversible harm to her family and those close to her. She also had underage sex with a black guy named John. He was actually a pretty decent guy, but he decided to smoke weed a couple times when his dad was going through some tough times. His dad resented him for this fact and it caused unresolved tension between them for years. This caused John to go out and seek younger girls to have sex with, to fill the emptiness he and his dad's relationship left him with. Meanwhile, Susie was falling in love with John, not knowing his many dark secrets he had tried best to keep hidden from her. Eventually, all of these things come out in the open, and Susie still respects him and ultimately loves him even more for being so honest.

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Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

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Guess what? what. You guessed it!!

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Knock Knock Who's There? You don't know me, but I just hit a car parked on the street outside your house and I believe its yours, we should exchange information

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I'm hungry.

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizza is not a group of people but in fact a dish originating in the Middle East.

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Why does Shaun's dad beat him? Because Shaun is an asshole.

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What did the squirrel say to the dog? "I have AIDS."

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor? -Cody Williams

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What do you call a man who writes anti-jokes? Rhys, because that is my name. thank you

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What is the definition of nothing? The opposite of something.

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a man is stranded on a deserted island with no food, water or clothing and he comes upon a magical genie lamp, a genie pops out and tells him that he has three wishes, the man asks for food,water, and clothing, the genie says "of course" the man was elated but then the genie says " but i'm afraid to tell you that genies don't exist and your hallucinating from your harsh living conditions...i'm sorry" the man lived two more weeks before dying slowly...

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An irish man calls a black man a nigger. The offended black man then proceeds to ravenously beat the Irish man's head into a nearby curb.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" then one of the costumers calls the health inspector and he shuts the place down because its not sanitary to have dirty horses in bars.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have five finger and the middle is for you

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How many hamburgers can a grizzly bear eat? Maybe 6.

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What's worse than ten dead babies? Not much.

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Knock knock! Who's there? an atheist. an atheist who oh sorry, I forgot atheists don't knock on people's doors

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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