Whats the best part about being alive? Not getting hit by a bus

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If the opposite of Pro is Con, whats the opposite of progress?

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What's green and looks like a red apple? A green apple

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rosie o'donald goes on a diet

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she no arms

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Why didn't the monkey cross the road? He saw the chicken get run over.

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1: What do you call your car door when it's opened slightly? 2: I don't know. What? 1: Ajar! 2: A jar? 1: No. Ajar. 2: But it's a door. 1: Just forget it.

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What makes men cry? The realization that humanity is completely pointless in the infinitely expanding universe and thus any action to try and improve human life is also a complete farce.

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how do you know Newcastle are losing? its 5 past 3

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How come the man couldnt read the directions? He was reading it upside down.

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A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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What do you call a black man with cancer? Someone with cancer

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Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

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What's sad about 4 people in a Lamborgini going over a cliff? It was my car.

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Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'

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I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Seargent: Quick seal off all the exits so he cant get away. Private: OK 2 minutes later Private: He escaped sir Seargent: What, how Private: through one of the entrances

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Kncok Whose there? Not Sally

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Why did Chad find dead people all over the playground? Ask him, it's not like he's pointing a gun at your face.

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Why don't men have menstruation? -Because it sucks

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What do you get when you mix red and blue? Gang violence.

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What's the difference between hot tea and cold tea? The temperature.

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What's worse than being a ginger? Being a soulless ginger

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops